


Unintended

by little_gal_11



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Christine Canigula & Jeremy Heere Friendship, Christine Canigula & Michael Mell Friendship, Eventual Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell, Hop on the angst train we're going to sad town, M/M, Michael on the run, Mom Friend Christine Canigula, POV Alternating, Past Christine Canigula/Jeremy Heere, Slow Burn, mostly angst/some fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-05-13 21:29:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19259524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_gal_11/pseuds/little_gal_11
Summary: Michel was an upbeat and optimistic person. He never cried all that often or just moped about because he felt like it, but the last few months he had felt terrible. He was done with everything and everyone and all he wanted to do was get away from it all. It was always easier to run than face your problems, he knew that, and he just wanted to be able to take the easy way out for once.-Or-Michael runs away leaving behind a very distressed Jeremy to try and figure out how to fix something he didn't think was broken.Title inspired by Unintended by Muse





	1. Gone

Jeremy blinked open his eyes and stared at his alarm clock sitting on the bedside table. He reached over and thumped his hand on it a few times before it actually turned off. He groaned and rolled over intending to go back to sleep for a few more minutes. Moments later he heard his phone go off, and he grabbed it as it continued to play his ringtone.

“What?” his voice was groggy.

“Well good morning to you too Jere,” It was Michael. Wait, why was Michael calling him? “Hello? Jere, dude, you there?”

Jeremy blinked the tiredness away from his eyes and answered, “uh, yeah I’m here, what’s up?”

Jeremy could hear Michael laugh to himself, “‘what’s up’ is that I’ve been sitting in your driveway for ten minutes and I’ve texted you about five times, we’re gonna be late if you don’t hurry up.” Jeremy looked at his alarm clock and saw that he didn’t sleep for just a “few more minutes.”  
“Shit, gimme a minute I’ll be right out,” He hung up and got out of bed. He started to run around his room getting dressed and trying to tame his messy hair. He finished getting ready and made sure to grab a coat and his backpack before walking outside. He shivered at the rush of cold air as he stepped outside, and almost ran to Michael’s car in hopes of getting warm once again.

“Hey,” Michael said as Jeremy got in and sank into the seat. “Long night?” Jeremy sighed which was answer enough to the other boy. Michael started the car and they began their drive to school. The whole squipcident was about three months in the past by now, but that didn’t make any of the nightmares or self-loathing go away. He was trying to get better, they all were, but it didn’t help that none of them could go to therapists. What would happen if a bunch of kids started talking to their therapists and parents about how they were all being controlled by an evil super computer pill? And it was all for nothing anyway, seeing how he and Christine only lasted about a month before deciding they were better off as friends. Michael nudged his arm which brought him back from his thoughts, “earth to Jeremy, did you hear anything that I said?”

“Uh, yeah,” sure it was a lie but Michael was prone to going on tangents so Jeremy thought he would just continue talking.

“Mhm, well what was I talking about then?” he was not expecting that.

“Uh, your mama tried cooking again and started another fire, right?” he was just guessing at this point hoping he was correct. Michael looked at him with that “what the fuck” look he sometimes made.

“Okay, I know you weren’t listening at all, but somehow you got that right.” Michael said sounding annoyed.

“Hey, I always said that I had psychic powers as a kid, maybe I was right.” Jeremy smiled triumphantly.

“Yeah, well I said I was going to be the next Pewdiepie,” Michael let out a breathy laugh, “but dreams are for kids, and we need to grow up.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Jeremy though that was a weird thing for Michael to say but shrugged it off as maybe the other boy had a rough night too.

They fell into a somewhat-uncomfortable silence as they continued on their drive. That was another effect of the squip, he and Michael never really got back to being 100% “normal.” Of course he fully understood that they probably would never get back to how they were before, but he hoped they could at least still achieve something resembling their “normal.” They arrived at school and walked in, luckily due to Michaels speeding they got in on time. They walked to their lockers in silence, which Jeremy thought was strange but decided to ignore it. As Jeremy opened his locker he suddenly felt a sudden presence behind the opened door. He closed it a little to look behind and was greeted by a very cheerful looking Christine.

“Happy Friday boys!” she said smiling from ear to ear. Out of the corner of his eye Jeremy could see Michael give her a little wave, and he did the same. “Guess who has good news?” She seemed to bounce a little as she continued.

“You were accepted into that theater camp for next summer?”

“No, although a girl can still be hopeful, but it does have to do with theater,” she paused a moment and both boys said nothing, “ugh, you two are no fun. I got them to re-institute the school musical!” Christine had been trying to get the school musical program back up since the utter chaos of the fall play caused the school board to get rid of it since they believe the kids “didn’t take the arts seriously.”

“Wow Chris, that’s awesome!” she threw her arms around Jeremy and hugged him tight as both of them bounce up and down. Michael laughed at how funny the two of them looked.

“Don’t think I forgot about you,” Christine giggled as she grabbed Michael and the three of them had a sort of squished group hug. “Well I better get going,” she said as she let both of them go, “see you guys at lunch!” They watched her skip away until she was out of sight.

“Wow, I haven’t seen her that excited since your guys’ first date,” Michael said looking a little unamused. He never really understood the appeal of theater, which was always Jeremy’s thing.

Jeremy smiled, “Yeah, she worked hard to get it back, she deserves to be happy about it.” He gathered his things and shoved them in his backpack. “Well, guess I’ll see you at lunch,” Michael nodded at him before putting his headphones on and walking down the hall. Jeremy knew Michael wasn’t acting like his usual loud and confident self but he couldn’t understand why. Nothing was really different that day other than the rough start he had that morning. He decided to ask him about it later and carried on with his day.

At lunch Michael was nowhere to be seen and Jeremy just guessed he must have gotten caught up in class or something. Jeremy made his way to the usual table where the other were already waiting. Chloe and Brooke were sitting next to each other gossiping about something to do with shoes? (He honestly didn’t know, and didn’t care enough to ask.) Rich and Jake were sat across from each other and Christine was sat next to Jake talking with the two boys about something. The six of them had become something resembling a friend group after the whole squipcident and tended to have lunch together and occasionally hang out outside of school. Immediately after Jeremy sat next to Christine her head spun around to look at him, “Jeremy what’s better cats or dogs?” She sounded very serious and both Jake and Rich turned to look at him as well. 

He was a little startled by the sudden attention but managed to get out an answer, “uh, d-dogs I guess?” His answer received a groan from Rich as Jake and Christine high-fived.  
“Seriously, dogs? Don’t you guys see how totally superior cats are?” Rich said sounding annoyed.

“Hey it’s three against one bro, dogs win,” Jake smiled triumphantly at Rich

Rich rolled his eyes, “whatever,” he looked at Jeremy and the seat next to him, “hey where’s headphones? He’s always following you around like some kind of lost puppy.”

Christine took a moment to look to where Michael usually sat next to Jeremy and pouted at him, “Yeah where is Michael? He always comes to lunch.”

Jeremy shrugged, “I’m not sure where Michael is, but I’m sure he has his reasons not to be here.” It wasn’t exactly normal for Michael to miss out on their usual lunch group, and Jeremy was starting to get suspicious of what was going on with him. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone to try and call him, but before he could he got pulled into another argument, this time about what the best flavor of Popsicle was.

When he left lunch he went back to his locker and saw Michael standing there staring at his phone. “Yo Micha,” Michael looked up from his phone and Jeremy continued, “dude, why weren’t you at lunch?”

Michael looked a little nervous, “sorry, I just had to handle some stuff, guess I lost track of time.” He smiled nonchalantly at the other boy and Jeremy decided to trust his gut and ask what was bothering him.

“What’s up with you today dude? First that weird conversation this morning, then you missed lunch, is something wrong?” 

“Everything’s fine,” Michael said in a jaded tone.

Jeremy decided not to press the subject, he didn’t want them fighting in the middle of the hall. They stood there silently until they parted ways to head to their classes once again.

*~~*~~*

At the end of the day the two both climbed back into Michael’s car so he could drop Jeremy off. Michael was on one of his tangents about a new conspiracy theory he had read about and Jeremy was listening amused by how enthusiastic Michael was.

“You wanna come in and hang out for a while, I’ve got nothing to do for the rest of the day.” He actually had stacks of homework to complete, but he wanted to figure out what was going on with Michael.

“I actually have to go, sorry.”

“Oh okay, I guess I’ll see you later then,” he started to get out of the car but Michael grabbed his arm, “um.” 

Michael quickly let go and looked down at the steering wheel, “sorry, just go.” Jeremy looked at him for a moment and then closed the car door. He watched as Michael pulled out of his driveway, and then he walked into his house and up to his room. He couldn’t help but be concerned for his friend, but he didn’t want to start delving into all of their problems when he wasn’t in the right state of mind to deal with it all. He laid down on his bed and stared at his ceiling until he drifted off to sleep. Again he was awoken by his ringtone going off, and he sat up and grabbed his phone.

“Hello?” He still sounded sleepy but at least he was feeling a little better.

“Hi Jeremy, I just wanted to see if Michael was with you.” It was Michael’s mama on the phone and she sounded concerned. 

“Sorry Mrs. Mell but he’s not here.” There was silence for a while but then Michael’s mom started talking.

“Hi Jeremy, we’re just calling because Michael isn’t home and he left a note that has us concerned. We thought he might be at your house, but I guess he’s not there. If you hear from him could you just tell him to call home, we’ve tried calling him but he must have tuned his phone off.” She too sounded concerned, but seemed calmer than Michael’s mama.

“Oh, yeah if I hear from him I’ll tell him to call you.”

“Thank you Jeremy, we’ll let you know if we hear from him.” She hung up the phone and Jeremy was left in silence. Sitting in the silence of his room he started to put the pieces together in his head. Michael was acting strange all day and now no one knows where he is, it was like the beginning of every mysterious disappearance case Michael had ever told him about. Could Michael have gotten in trouble with a dealer? Maybe he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up abducted or dead on the side of the road. He was already picturing the name of the Netflix special covering Michael’s disappearance. He began to panic and reached for his phone once again. He dialed Michael’s number and sat there waiting for him to pick up; he had to know that Michael was okay and that everything was fine. He sat waiting for Michael to pick up, but he didn’t, the phone just rang a few times and then went to voicemail. 

“Michael, please answer, your moms are worried. Just call them back.” He hung up and sat staring at the phone in his hands waiting for the other teen to call back. He waited like that for a good portion of the night before he fell into a dreamless sleep. He woke up the next morning feeling even more tired than the previous morning. It took him a moment to process his thoughts and then he sprung out of his bed like it had just burned him. He frantically threw his sheets around looking for his phone, and when he found it he immediately turned it on to see if there was anything different. Nothing, no calls or text, just nothing. He quickly dialed the only other person he could think of for help.

After a few rings the phone was picked up, “Hey there Jeremy, didn’t expect you to be up this early on a Saturday.” Christine sounded cheerful as usual and it almost made Jeremy smile.

“Chris something is wrong, really wrong, I don’t know what to do because everything is probably fine I mean that’s what he told me, I know I probably shouldn’t be worried but something just feels off-” 

She cut off his rambling, her once cheery voice now full of concern. “Jeremy what’s wrong?”

His throat felt dry and he didn’t want to say the words he was about to say, because then it would be a reality and not just some nightmare he could wake up from. He felt the tears welling in his eyes as he spoke, “I think Michael’s gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! This is my first fic that I have ever written and also posted publicly (a little ambitious of me to make it a multi chapter fic I know, but hey I'm trying my best.) This has been an idea of mine for quite a long time, and I just needed to write it down and share it will all of you, so I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it! If there are any mistakes just let me know an I'll try to fix them! I have some other chapters of this fic written up as a sort of buffer, but I was hoping to post at least one chapter a week. (Also please excuse my terrible summary, I tried my best)


	2. Lost Boy

Michael was parked in a rest stop. He thought he was somewhere in New York by now but he wasn’t exactly sure. He had just spent the entire night driving and hadn’t allowed himself to think of anything but getting the hell out of New Jersey. He had never intended for it to come to this but he just couldn’t keep living that way. Like nothing ever happened, like the rift between him and Jeremy didn’t existed, like he’s now bffs with his former bullies just because they all had a “bonding moment” (which he wasn’t even a part of). He was sick of all the fake smiles and laughter; he just wanted to get away from it all. Running away was the only way out that he saw, so he took it. He reached into his bag and pulled out the envelope of money he had taken from home. He thanked his younger self for deciding to save up his birthday and holiday money, because he had at least enough to last a month if he was careful.

He got out of his car shivering as the frigid air hit his face. He walked inside the small shop and bought himself some snacks and drinks for the road. Most kids who run away don’t have plans for after they actually leave, but he wasn’t like that, he had been planning this for a while. It’s not like he thought he would need to run away, it was more of a backup plan he could use when he needed to disappear for a while. And right then he really needed to run; run away from Jeremy, the rest of his “friends,” and the guilt and hate that comes with remembering everything that happened a few months ago.

He paid for his food and drinks and grabbed the bag the cashier gave him. He hurried out to his car to avoid the cold dawn wind. He laid down in the back seat with a blanket and pillow he had brought along. His plan had always included getting out of New Jersey, because he had always wanted to leave. The first stage of the plan was to tie up loose ends so he didn’t feel the need to come back. He hadn’t exactly gotten to do that, but he did leave his moms a note, whether or not they found it yet he wasn’t sure. He got to say goodbye to Jeremy, even if Jeremy might have not known it was that kind of goodbye. The second stage was to get his supplies together; his money and the necessities. He had gone straight home after dropping Jeremy off and had begun grabbing his belongings and shoving them in a duffle bag. The third stage was to leave; the stage that mattered the most. He had said his goodbyes, gathered his things, and then left. He thought that the minute he left he would feel better, like nothing was wrong, but the entire time he had this feeling in his stomach that made him want to vomit.

Michael was suddenly woken up by a car alarm going off. He quickly sat up and, after finding his glasses, climbed his way to the front seat. He turned the car back on and looked at the clock; it read 12:27; at least he had gotten a few hours of sleep before he continued to drive. He sighed as he put the car in drive and began to pull out of the rest stop.

*~~*~~*

It had been a week since he had left, and Michael sat in a café somewhere in Massachusetts. He stared out the big wall of windows on the opposite side of the room. He was living out of his car, moving from town to town. He had planned on going to a place where no one knew him and he could be out of the city and closer to nature. He was still battling the war of self-doubt he had been since he left. He stared down at his phone which was sitting on the table. He had turned it off before he left and had yet to turn it on. He picked it up and continued to stare at it. He was sure there were plenty of messages from his moms, a few from other family members, maybe even a few from Jeremy. He thought about turning it on, explaining to his moms that he was okay, and that they shouldn’t worry about him. He sighed and laid his head down on the table, setting his phone back down.

*~~*~~*  
 **Flash back time**

It had been two weeks since Jeremy was released from the hospital. Since the squipcident lots had happened to the small group of students that were affected by the whole fiasco. Jeremy and Christine had started dating, and Michael tried to be happy for his friend. Jeremy and Michael sat down to talk about things, but didn’t get any farther than a few “I’m sorry”’s being thrown around. Things had almost went back to normal at their high school. Well as normal as it could be after your friend gets hijacked by a super computer which tries to take over the school, and then ends up dating the girl of his dreams.

It was always him and Jeremy against the world, until it was just him, and then he went back to having Jeremy by his side, but it wasn’t the same as before. Of course along with Jeremy now came all these new popular friends. Even if things between him and Jeremy were doing okay, they didn’t get to see each other nearly as often as they had before. Between the dates Jeremy and Christine would go on, him hanging out with his new cool friends, and dealing with Jeremy’s dad overcompensating for the years he wasn’t really a dad, Michael understood that they would have less time to hang out.

But that didn’t make the loneliness go away.

He tried to think about the fact that he could still see Jeremy in passing at school, or during the weird group lunches they had started having with the other kids. But that wasn’t the same as just them hanging out together. 

Months passed and the changing of season came with it. Christine and Jeremy broke up, and Jeremy’s dad became less of a helicopter parent. No matter how much free time Jeremy had, he still never seemed to be able to hang out with Michael. He was always hanging out with Jake and Rich, going to the mall with Brooke or Jenna, or helping Christine with whatever new project she had. He tried to hate the others, just to lessen the amount of sadness he felt. Most of all he tried to hate Christine seeing that Jeremy’s feelings for her were what started all of this. He soon figured out that was a lost cause, because she was possibly the nicest person he had ever met. He had settled on silently being jealous as he watched his friend drift into an entirely different world than himself.

The Friday night before he left he was sat in his room alone, he had gotten used to being alone on weekends, although it hadn’t always been that way. He and Jeremy used to have sleepovers over the weekends as kids, and even into their teenage years. He and Jeremy would stay up late playing video games and then when Michael’s moms got tired of hearing them yell at the T.V. one of them would tell the two boys to go to sleep. Of course they would never actually go to sleep after being told to do so. They would always stay up another hour of so talking about nothing in particular. 

Michael remembered on specific time Jeremy confessed his crush on Christine to him in 8th grade.

_“H-hey Micha?” Jeremy whispered from his place on the floor in his sleeping bag._

_“Yeah Jer?” He popped his head over the side of his bed so he could hear the other boy better._

_“I kinda have a crush on someone.” Michael’s heart skipped a beat. He knew Jeremy could never like him back the same way he liked Jeremy, but that didn’t stop him from holding onto hope._

_“Who is it,” Michael asked trying to sound nonchalant, but his voice coming out shaky._

_“Uh…Christine. Christine Canigula.” Jeremy’s voice went even quieter towards the end and Michael had to struggle to hear him. Michael couldn’t say he was surprised. Christine was smart, energetic, and nice, from what he had gathered of her personality from their few interactions with each other. He was pretty sure almost their entire class had a crush on her as well._

_“Oh, cool.” He sounded a little disappointed, but Jeremy must have not noticed. The two just laid there in silence until they both eventually fell asleep._

He looked over at his phone as his notification noise went off. He clicked on it without looking at what it was for. His phone opened Instagram and he saw Jeremy smiling next to Christine, Brooke, Rich, and Jake somewhere he didn’t recognize. His eyes focused on the caption that read “Having fun with all my friends!” Michael felt his heart stop for a second. He couldn’t stop reading those three words, “all my friends.” He watched as a tear fell onto the screen, and quickly wiped at his eyes with his hoodie sleeve. He got up and threw his phone on the bed, running his hands through his hair. Screw Jeremy for making him feel miserable and alone for so long. He was an upbeat and optimistic person, but the last few months he had felt like shit, and he was done. He loved Jeremy, really loved him, but he couldn’t just mope around and let his so-called best friend break his heart again. He stared at his closet where he kept the stash of money he had been saving up since he was a kid. It was always easier to run than face your problems, he knew that, and he just wanted to be able to take the easy way out for once.

*~~*~~*

He lifted his head up, pulled out of his thoughts by the bell hanging on the door dinging as a girl walked in. He thought that leaving was the right idea, but he still couldn’t stop the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He looked out the window once again and sighed as he got up from his seat and made his way out to his car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo the story has almost reached 100 hits!! Also thanks to everyone who is leaving comments and kudos, I'm so happy you all are enjoying the story!! Also, I've barely written anything new for this story so far, so it's just a matter of time before it gets caught up to where I am in writing this currently, which means updates could get even slower, oof. Writers block is not funnn. Anyways thanks for sticking with the story!


	3. Regret

Christine had quickly made her way to Jeremy’s house after they got off the phone. They had talked about what to do next. Jeremy voicing his concerns and anxiety to Christine, and her quickly calming him back to thinking rationally. Christine ended up staying with him the rest of the day, only going home after her parent’s called her because they were getting concerned. She didn’t want to leave but Jeremy ushered her out the door saying how he can’t have another one of his friends going missing. She felt bad for how sad he sounded, but nonetheless she said goodbye and left.

That had been almost a week ago at this point and Jeremy wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to carry on for much longer. All the false hope and “keep your head held high”s he had gotten hadn’t helped him the past week, not to mention how weird it was to be the best friend of the “missing kid” at school. All the kids who had never even noticed him before suddenly would stare at him or whisper to each other as he walked by. He knew about every rumor there was circulating the school regarding Michael’s disappearance, and he wouldn’t be lying if he didn’t think of the same things sometimes. One of the more unbelievable ones was that Jeremy had actually killed Michael, since Jeremy and Michael were always loners and thus deemed crazy by their peers. Jeremy was desensitized to all of the gossip at school at that point.

He walked down the hall to his locker, the voices and noises around him all blending into one huge buzz of noise that he didn’t notice the one calling his name. Before he could react to the hands on his shoulders the person attached to them spun him around. He was met with a very concerned looking Christine who was accompanied by an equally as concerned looking Brooke.

“Oh, hey guys,” his voice was hoarse, and he didn’t understand why since he really hadn’t talked that much in the past week. _Maybe it’s from the crying_ he thought to himself.

“Don’t hey guys me mister!” Christine’s expression gained some slight hints of anger alongside the concern as she continued, “you’ve been walking around like a zombie this past week. I get it, okay, Michael is gone, but you can’t keep doing this. You look worse every day and we all just want to help.” Brooke nodded her head along with what the other girl was saying. 

Christine tightened her grip on his shoulders and frowned, but before she could continue lecturing him Brooke cut in, “you can’t keep blaming yourself Jeremy, you didn’t force him to leave.” Something in him snapped, almost as if all the emotions he was trying to forget about caught up to him and punched him in the gut. The air seemed to become thicker than before and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. Then he found himself on the floor gasping out broken sobs into Christine’s shoulder as the two girls tried to calm him down. A small crowd started to form around the three of them, and as Brooke was trying to get everyone to carry on with their day a teacher came and took control of the situation.

He ended up being sent home. After he had gotten home he threw himself onto his mattress and curled under the blankets. That’s where he stayed for the rest of the day.

*~~*~~*

He woke up quite early the next morning, but hadn’t been able to pull himself out of bed until a few hours later. It was officially a week since Michael had vanished, and he wondered how long Michael would be gone. Maybe a month, a year, or maybe he would be one of the unlucky people who never got to say goodbye to their friend before they were gone. He had already faced the fact that after Michael wasn’t found after the first 48 hours he was more likely to come back in a body bag than he was to come back standing on two feet. That probably counted as one of the stages of grief.

He was laying on the couch staring off into space when he hear the doorbell. His dad wasn’t home so he knew he would have to get it. He pondered not opening it, but then though that maybe it was someone coming to tell him Michael had come back, or maybe it was Michael himself. He quickly pushed himself off the couch and shuffled over to the door. As he opened it he was hit with a rush of cold air that made him shiver and he had to stop himself from immediately shutting in again.

“Hi Jeremy,” in the doorway stood a very bundled up Christine, “can I come in?”

Jeremy nodded and moved out of her way, closing the door after she entered. She kicked off her boots and took off her jacket and other outwear meant to protect her from the harsh cold. They made their way over to the couch where they sat in silence just staring at each other.

“Brooke and I are sorry if what we said made you feel worse that you already did,” Christine looked down to her lap where her hands were playing with the end of her sleeves, “we just wanted to help get you out of this funk you’ve been in.”

“I’m fine,” Jeremy didn’t sound upset, or sad, just tired.

“No you’re not Jeremy. You’re not okay, and that’s okay to admit. Everyone needs help now and then.” The look she gave him was laced with sympathy. 

Jeremy felt the tears start to form at the corners of his eyes once again, “It’s my fault Chris; he left because of me.” He felt a tear roll down his cheek.

He felt Christine’s arms wrap around him as his head fell to her shoulder. He once again lost control of his emotions as everything came rushing back to him. He gripped onto her like a lifeline, like if he let go of her he would drown in all his guilt and sadness.

“Oh, Jeremy, no no no. It’s not your fault, don’t think that way.” She squeezed him surprisingly hard, and Jeremy almost laughed. He thought it was funny how such a small girl could have so much love inside of her. She pulled back so she was able to see his face, “This isn’t your fault Jeremy, and you need to understand that.” He nodded at the floor tears still on his cheeks.

“I-I’m trying Chris it’s just hard.” He let out a shaky breath, “somewhere deep inside of me I know that everyone is right and I’m just being stupid,” he looked at her, “but at the same time I can’t stop thinking this is all my fault, and I did nothing to fix it then and I’m doing the same thing now, and it’s all my f-” Christine placed her hand over his mouth making his stop his rambling.

“Jeremy, you did everything you could, the rest we just have to leave in the hands of authorities. Wherever Michael is I’m sure he isn’t upset with you, he probably misses you just as much as you miss him.” She hugged him close once again. They sat like for most of the afternoon, Jeremy snuggle into Christine’s comforting embrace. Jeremy had calmed down a decent amount by a couple hours later as Christine was leaving. 

“Hey Jeremy?” Christine asked as she flung her scarf around her neck.  
“Hm?” Was his only response.

“Why don’t we go to the mall tomorrow? There’s this new store opening that I wanted to go to.” She sounded as cheerful as she normally did, it made Jeremy almost feel normal again.

“Sure Chris,” he heard her quiet “ _yes._ ”

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then!” Jeremy shut the door behind her. Maybe this would be good for him, everyone was telling him to get out of the house and go do something.

*~~*~~*

Jeremy walked behind Christine, being dragged by the shorter girl. “It’s this one right here!”

Jeremy looked around the store and noticed it was one of those body products stores like Lush. He sighed, and looked at Christine who looked so happy to be there. He might as well humor her by trying to act like he was at least somewhat happy to be outside of the house.

They stayed in the store for a while, Christine ended up buying like ten bath bombs. They were sat at the food court as they finished their food, Christine decided to take care of the trays and trash. Jeremy sat for a moment and then decided to get up and go look at the board people could post flyers and such on. He looked around it, there were flyers on top of other flyers and it looked a mess, and then he noticed the corner of a photo he recognized. He pushed back some of the other flyers and felt his heart stop as he realized why that sliver of a photo looked familiar. He stared at the photo of Michael with the word “ **MISSING** ” printed in big red lettering below it. He remembered the day that photo was taken, it was a happy memory, but now it was covered in a shroud of sadness.

*~~*~~*

He was sat at the table with Michael and his moms. They were playing a card game that Michael had gotten for his last birthday. Michael’s mom had gotten confused about the rules once again making them all laugh as she carried on about how the rules should be easier to understand. After they all quieted down Michael’s mama had asked the boys to get together for a photo because she “didn’t want to forget this moment.” Michael slung his arm around Jeremy’s shoulder and squeezed them together as his mama took the photo on her phone. She showed them all the photo before they continued their game.

*~~*~~*

Where they cut off the photo he could see his own shoulder. He felt a hand being placed on that same shoulder, and knew that it was Christine. He let the other flyers fall on top of it as he returned his hand to his side.

“I wanna go back home,” Jeremy said looking back at Christine. She nodded and the two walked in silence.

When he returned back home he climbed into his bed and laid there; the image of the missing flyer still stuck in his head. He sat up and reached for his phone, he went into his contacts and clicked on Michael’s name, “Player 1,” he wondered if he would ever get to call Michael that again. He clicked the call button without even knowing it. On the other side of the phone he listened as the phone went straight to voicemail.

“ _Hey it’s Michael, I’m not here right now so leave a message after the beep_ ,” it felt good to hear his voice again, even if it was just a recorded message.

“Uh hi Micha, I-I really don’t know why I’m calling you right now, because I know you won’t answer. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice? It makes me almost feel like you’re here…I just wanted to say…I wanted to say I’m sorry.” He paused taking a breath, “I’m sorry for everything.” His voice got softer, “I just want you to come back home Micha, everyone does. So please…please come home.” He pressed the end call button and threw the phone to the other side of his bed as he curled into a ball against his headboard. It was going to be another long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhhh this update is late by like a week super sorry guys, I kinda almost died, but it's all good now! As always comments and kudos are appreciated!!


	4. Pretend

Michael stopped sweeping for a moment and looked out the large window at the front end of the dining room. It had been about two weeks since he left, and he was staying in a small Inn owned by an older couple. He had come up with the story that he was a broke college student on a trip to see some family, and they had happily let him stay for free, as long as he helped out around the Inn wherever he was needed. He agreed since his car had started to get uncomfortable, and he missed being able to sleep in a bed. 

“Michael are you done sweeping?” The older woman walked into the room with a smile on her face.

“Just finishing up,” he pushed the broom across the floor a few more times and then walked over to her, “there something else you need me to do Ida?”

“Oh no, I just wanted to see how you were doing,” he was about to reply when the door opened in the hallway. She quickly went out to help whoever it was, and Michael was once again alone in the dining room. He decided to go to his room since it didn’t seem like there wasn’t anything else for him to do. 

He opened the door to his room to be greeted with the same sight he did every time he opened the old creaky door. The walls were an almost white shade of blue which contrasted the dark wooden floors, and the bed was neatly made with crème colored sheets that matched the drapes on the window. It wasn’t his taste in design, but it was what he had, and he was lucky for having anything at that point. He flopped down on the bed, and looked up at the ceiling.

He had been doing okay for himself the past few days since he had come to the Inn. The owners were nice, he had food and a roof over his head, and he didn’t feel as lonely as he did before. Even with all these things he still always had this feeling in the pit of his stomach like he had made a wrong decision somewhere. He also couldn’t help but be curious about how things were going back home since he had left. He looked over to the nightstand next to his bed where his phone laid, still turned off. He picked it up and stared at it. He had been too scared to turn it on in fear that it would be used to track him. That was another new thing he wasn’t used to yet, the paranoia. Everywhere he went he was scared that someone would notice him and then try to drag him back home. Just then there was a knock on the door and he threw his phone to his side as he sat up.

“Come in,” he said.

“Don’t worry it’s just me,” Ida said as she walked in, closing the door behind her.

“Oh, hey Ida, do you need help with something?”

“Oh no, I just wanted to talk with you while I had some free time.” She sat in the old chair that was set up next to the window.

“What did you want to talk about?” His heart started to beat faster as he started to question the situation. Was she kicking him out? Had the authorities found him? Was it time for him to stop this stupid plan and go face reality again?

“I just wanted to talk about you,” he looked at her confused, “well, you’ve been here for almost a week now and I know almost nothing about you.”

Michael sighed, “Yeah, where do I start on my tale of marvelous adventure.” He joked eliciting a small laugh from the older woman. 

“Well, why are you here?” She asked.

“I’m…running from something.” He paused a moment seeing how that could be taken the wrong way, and quickly clarified. “Not the authorities or anything like that.” Although now that Michael thought of it, he probably was running from the authorities. Ida looked confused so he decided to clarify even more, hating that he had to finally admit to someone else what he was doing there. “I’m running away from some unresolved issues,” Ida nodded slowly. “Which now that I say that out loud sounds like the stupidest reasoning ever.”

“You got that right hun,” Ida said nodding, “but we’ve all run away from our problems at some point, hell even I’ve done it when I was young.” She paused for a moment, “but normally people don’t do it in the literal sense.”

“Did you ever go back and fix the thing you were running away from?” Michael asked.

“Of course I did. If something is broken you can’t just leave it that way hoping someone else will come along and fix it for you. You see, no matter what, we all have to deal with problems in our lives. It doesn’t matter if it takes us two days or two years to work up the courage to do it, we always have to fix what’s broken.” She looked over at Michael and he felt his eyes beginning to fill with tears. “Maybe for some that just means they sweep up the broken pieces and throw them away, but for others they glue all of those pieces back together. What I'm trying to say is that it doesn’t matter how we fix it, it just matters that we won’t have to walk over broken pieces anymore. Because as long as something is broken, there’s a chance someone will get hurt because of it.”

Michael stared at the old woman, tears running down his face. It was the first time he had let himself cry since he had left. All of the bottled up sadness and guilt he had about leaving was now pouring out in front of this poor woman who barely knew him. “I’m sorry,” His voice was barely above a whisper.

Ida got up and walked over to the bed, sitting down next to him, “Don’t apologize hun, there’s no need, I understand. It can be hard to face the things that scare us, but we all have to do it at some point.”

“What if I’m not ready to go back?”

“We’re never ready for the things life throws our way, sometimes we have to take a break from the situation to help us figure it out.” She grasped one of Michel’s hand in hers, “I can see you’re a kind boy Michael, and you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to until you’re ready to go back home.”

Michael wiped his eyes with his free hand, “Thanks Ida.” She simply nodded before getting up and leaving the room.'

*~~*~~*

The talk him and Ida had the day before had suck with Michael. He wasn’t a sad, scared person, who held themselves inside all day in fear of something happening to them. He was strong, and he was ready. He decided that morning to go back home and see how everything was, maybe leave a note for his moms, just to calm his curiosity.

He sat parked in the parking lot of a very familiar seven eleven. He hesitated before he got out of the car and walked into the store. Now some may think that what he was doing wasn’t the best ideas, but they of course wouldn’t be giving Michael as much credit as he was due. He wasn’t just walking into this place where he was known looking like himself. No, that would be stupid. He instead had borrowed a “disguise” from Ida’s husband that morning. He thought it was rather convincing considering it didn’t look anything like what he would normally wear. He had ditched his rather comfortable outfit of a t-shirt, hoodie, and jeans for dress slacks and a button up with a sweater vest. He had a cap on to try and hide his face, and had also ditched his glasses for some dark shades. He was testing it out on the cashier to see if she would recognize him, and felt a tinge of excitement when she didn’t seem to. He looked around the shop and headed for the snacks. He was leaning over a shelf when he heard someone behind him.

“Excuse me sir,” a voice said, as someone reached over him to grab something on a higher shelf. Suddenly Michael thought he knew who that voice belonged to. He straightened and glanced over at the girl. He felt all his prior excitement disappear as he realized Christine was standing next to him. She placed what she had previously grabbed back on the shelf and looked at him. He began walking away but felt a hand grasp his forearm before he could take another step.

“We need to talk,” Christine never sounded that serious before.

“About what?” he asked in a low voice.

“Really!?” She yelled, drawing the attention of the cashier, “you really don’t know what’s wrong here?”

“Okay Christine I get it, we can talk, let’s just not do it here,” she crossed her arms in front of her and the two walked out of the store, and to the back of the building.

“Michael you need to come home ev-” she was cut off before she could continue.

“I’m not going to come back just because you want me to Christine.”

“Michael, what you’re doing is unfair to everyone you know. To me, your moms, and all the rest of your friends. You should just see how much of a mess Jeremy has been since you disappeared!”

Michael visibly tensed at the mention of Jeremy, “Don’t mention _him_.”

Christine unfolded he arms, “Michael please jus-“

“No! If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be here.” Christine reached out her hand, but Michael shoved it away, “For the past four years I had to listen to him talk about you all the time. Everything he did, every stupid decision he made while not thinking about the consequences, everything with the squip, it was all for you.” He paused a moment questioning whether or not to tell Christine the truth of the situation.“It’s hard being in love with someone when you know they could never love you back, but literally being _erased_ from that person’s life is _unbearable_.” He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand, not having realized he started crying, “I can’t keep playing this stupid game of pretend, like after everything that happened we’re all just back to ‘normal’ again.”

“Michael…” Christine sighed as she wrapped him in her arms. Michael protested at first, but then gave into the embrace, crying into her shoulder.

He lifted his head so he was looking over her shoulder, “I can’t keep trying to fix things between me and him, so I thought getting away would be better…”

“Is it better?”

“No, I just feel worse,” he continued to cry into her shoulder, “but I can’t come back. Not yet.”

Christine let go of him enough so she could look him in the eyes, “Michael I get it, you have to take time with all this, but you have to come back soon. I’ll try and get Jeremy to open his eyes to what you told me, but if he doesn’t you have to promise me you won’t just leave forever.”

“I don’t think I could stay away forever Chris, I’m having a hard time as is.” He chuckled dryly. “Thanks, for trying to help out where you can.”

“Don’t mention it,” her voice hard gotten its peppy tone back, “just keep your phone on, will ya? You don’t have to answer anyone’s calls or texts, as long as you read mine. I just want to know you’re okay, okay?”

He nodded and was wrapped into a bone-crushing embrace by the small girl.

“Could you just promise me one thing before you go?” Michael asked after she had let him go.

“Sure, anything.”

“Please don’t tell anyone about this-us meeting-please.”

“Of course,” her smile was sad, “it’ll be our little secret.”

*~~*~~*

Once he was back on the road he had felt a sort of weight lifted off his shoulders. Christine knew he was okay, and he had given her a note to put in his mailbox to show his moms that he was fine. At least they all knew he was physically alright, as opposed to emotionally alright, which he nowhere near being. Once he had reached the Inn he was greeted by Ida who had an incredibly large grin on her face as he walked through the door.

“Have a nice day hun?” she asked putting down the book she was reading.

“Yeah, I think I did,” He smiled back at her before walking to the stairs.

“That’s good,” she resumed her reading and Michael made his way to his room.

As Michael sat down on his bed he reached into his bag for his phone. He held it in his hand and sighed. He didn’t really want to turn it on, but if it was going to make Christine feel better then he would do it. He turned it on, and was immediately met with a flood of notifications. It took him a long time, but he checked them all and found that most of them were from his moms, Christine, and, to his surprise, Jeremy. His mom’s and Christine’s messages were mainly texts and one or two missed calls, but almost all of Jeremy’s were voicemails. He hesitated for a moment before playing the first of many voice mails from Jeremy, not entirely sure if he was ready for it.

_“Michael, please answer, your moms are worried. Just call them back.”_ This is how most of them went, Jeremy just telling Michael to call him or Michael’s moms, but then at one point they started to change. It started to sound like he was pleading for Michael to give him any sign that he was alive. After that there were a few where Jeremy started to cry at the end, which evolved into Jeremy just crying through the whole thing. And finally the last one, the most recent one from two days ago. 

_“Hey Micha, it’s been like two weeks now…at least I think it’s been about two weeks, honestly I’m not really sure about anything anymore. I’ve tried, really tried, to stay upbeat and okay through all of this, but it’s just so--bad. I don’t even know if you’re still alive. I like to think you are, and that you’re out there somewhere listening to this, but I know you’re probably not. At this point I’m just calling to talk, I can’t talk to Christine or any of the others about this, and it makes me feel like I’m actually talking to you. For a minute it almost feels normal. Please, just let me know that you’re okay, if you’re okay that means there’s a way to f-”_ The message cut off

Michael had started crying as he was listening to the messages. Jeremy sounded so tired…so hollow. Did he really think Michael was dead? Michael placed his phone on the night stand.

“I’m a fucking terrible person,” he said into the darkness.

“You’re not hun, I can assure you of that,” a soft voice came from the doorway. He turned to see Ida, who gave him a sympathetic look. “Sometimes, we see ourselves as the bad guy, when in reality there is no bad guy at all; just people who made some bad decisions along the way.” She smiled sadly, “Goodnight Michael, next time make sure you close your door.” She left, leaving Michael alone in the darkness of his room. He curled up on top of his covers as he decided that he would sleep, and then deal with all of this in the morning. He hadn’t meant for so much pain and hurt to be caused due to his actions, this whole thing was meant to make all of those feelings go away, but all he had done was spread them to the people he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so...it's been like a month, sorry everyone. Life has been insane but yeah, here's a new chapter since I am so dedicated to finishing this project instead of throwing it away with all the other unfinished projects I have. (if this story wasn't getting so much attention I probably would have never continued it lol) If any of this sounds out of character then oh well, I tried my best. As always kudos and comments are very appreciated!!


	5. Hope

Jeremy was staring up at his ceiling. He hadn’t really moved from his bed the past two days, but he didn’t care anymore. He only got up if he absolutely had to, deciding to spend his long weekend sulking rather than with friends. He couldn’t be around all his friends anyway, all they did was try to talk to him about it. Nothing was wrong, he was fine, just…really tired. Just then he was startled by the sound of the doorbell. He didn’t move knowing that, since his dad was home for once, he would get it. He continued to stare at his ceiling, maybe if he stared at it long enough it would give him the answer to life, or maybe it would tell him where Michael was. He was once again pulled out of his thoughts by a knock on his bedroom door.

“Hey Jeremy,” It was Christine, why was she here? “You alright if I come in?”

“Sure,” He said curling himself into his blanket even further.

She walked in and Jeremy immediately heard her sigh. “Jeremy, you can’t just keep yourself held up inside forever.”

“Yeah I can,” His voice was a little muffed by the blanket now covering his face, but she could still hear him.

“I’m going to give you three seconds to get out of that bed, before I take some _drastic_ measures.” Jeremy just scoffed at her, “three...two…two and a half…don’t make me say it!” she sighed, “one!” He could hear Christine move to the foot of his bed, “If you won’t help yourself, then I’m just going to have to give you a little push,” she pulled the blanket with all her strength expecting to take it away from Jeremy, not for him to come with it. The next second the lanky teen laid face up on top of his blanket on the floor. The moment he realized he wasn’t in his blanket cocoon anymore he started to curl himself in the blanket again. “On no you don’t!” Christine picked him up in one swift motion. Jeremy yelped as he was lifted up by the small girl.

“Chris put me down!” Jeremy twisted in her arms, but the blanket half wrapped around him made it hard for him to move his arms and legs.

“No, I’m done with you sulking around,” she walked down the hall and to the stairs. She carried him down the stairs and to the front door; the whole way Jeremy was trying to move out of her grasp and telling her to let him go.

“Are you kids okay?” His dad asked from the living room.

“We’re just fine Mr. Heere,” Christine answered before carefully opening the door with one hand. As the wave of cold hit Jeremy he stopped moving around and tried to cover himself even more with the blanket.

“Chris it’s freezing out here, what the hell are you doing?” Christine seemed to not listen to him as she carefully walked over to the nearest snowbank in their front yard and threw him into it.

Jeremy yelped as the snow came into contact with his skin, and he scrambled to stand up. Once he was upright he picked up the now wet blanket and stared at Christine. “What the hell was that for!?” She said nothing and simply began to walk back towards the house, Jeremy following her. “Christine, talk to me!” He called after her as she walked into the house.

“Nope,” she simply said, popping the ‘p’, making her way up the stairs with Jeremy following.

“Don’t ‘nope’ me, I want to know what the hell that was all about.” She turned to look at him, before reaching behind him to close the door to his room, which he now realized they were standing in. She went to sit in his desk chair as he stood in the middle of his room.

“I already told you, if you wouldn’t help yourself I would have to give you a little push.”

“You never said that you’d throw me into a snowbank!” 

“And if I had told you that, would you have taken me seriously?”

He thought about it for a moment, and realized, “No, probably not.” His voice losing all prior harshness.

“Exactly,” she stared at him as he began to shiver, “look Jeremy I get it, you’re not in the best state of mind right now. But when you’re not up to being the best you can be, you still have to be. You can’t just fade into nothingness.”

“Chri-” A full body shiver racked through him cutting him off.

“Why don’t you get changed, then we can talk about this.” He nodded quickly, and Christine walked out closing the door behind her.

*~~*~~*

They sat across from each other on his bed in silence. Christine was staring at him intently, her face completely calm, while Jeremy was trying to look anywhere else but at her.  
“Why are you doing this to yourself Jeremy?” She finally asked.

“Doing what?”

“Not leaving your house, not even leaving your room. I’m not the only one who’s worried about you, everyone is.”

“I’m just tired of worrying so much.”

“About what?”

“About letting everyone down, about not having any hope left in me, about waiting for him to call me back when I know he won’t.” He sighed, “He’s my best friend Chris. Wouldn’t you be scared if Brooke went missing?” 

Christine sighed and nodded, “I would be.”

Jeremy tried to control the tremor in his voice, “I lost him once, during the whole _thing_ , and I regretted it. I still regret it; pushing him away like that.” He paused for a moment, “I’m just scared that I lost him for good this time.” 

Christine reached over and cupped his face in her hand, wiping a tear away with her thumb. Jeremy hadn’t noticed he started crying. “I’m sure everything will be fine Jeremy. I bet Michael will come home any day now. He’s probably out there just as confused and scared as you are, just wanting to come home.” Christine didn’t intend on telling Jeremy about her accidental meet up with Michael a few hours prior, but she needed to convince Jeremy to hold onto hope. Or else she was scared he would sink into oblivion.

“You don’t know that,” his voice was barely above a whisper, and sounded so pained that Christine felt a little pang of guilt for her promise to Michael. “Nothing’s fine, and I just feel so lost and tired all the time now.” He chuckled dryly, “Guess he finally got sick of me. Good for him, after everything I did maybe I deserve it.”

Christine gasped, “Jeremiah Will Heere! No one deserves having their best friend run away. Don’t talk about yourself like that!”

“Stop acting like I don’t deserve this Christine! After everything I did, after everything I put him through, everything I put you all through, I deserve everything that’s happening. Maybe even worse than this!” He pushed himself off the bed, beginning to pace back and forth in his room, “I spend so long keeping him at arm’s length all because I’m scared that if we get close I’ll just fuck it all up again! This whole time I’ve wanted for things to just magically go back to normal, when in reality the only thing keeping us from going back to how things used to be is me!” Jeremy got quieter as he continued, “So he leaves, but this time I don’t have any stupid reason or twisted truth to justify it, I don’t have a supercomputer in the back of my head saying that it’s for the greater good of my cause. So now I’m just empty, sure I have the others, but our friendships just seem so superficial.”

Christine moved to sit at the end of the bed, “Jeremy I know it hurts but there’s really nothing we can do except wait for him to come back when he’s ready.”

“Even if I want him to come back that doesn’t mean he’s going to. He’s not going to come back if he’s smart.”

Christine sat there staring at the tall boy and decided she was going to try and lighten the mood since the conversation seemed to be ending. “I’m just upset I might not get to ride in that sweet PT Cruiser of his.” She smiled.

He smiled dejectedly, “We never got to finish apocalypse of the damned, or one of the many other games we never finished,” He chuckled, “I’ll never get to pay him back that five dollars I owed him from when we were in sixth grade after I lost a breath holding contest.” He sighed, “I’ll never get to tell him how much I love him.” As he realized what he just said he looked over to the bed and thought to himself how Christine looked a lot like an owl in that moment.

“You lo-!?” Christine was abruptly cut off by Jeremy.

“No! No-I. Uh I didn’t want it to come out like that.” Jeremy protested.

“Well then how _did_ you want it to come out?” Christine asked.

Jeremy sighed, if he was ever going to admit this to someone at least he could trust Christine not to tell anyone else. “Listen Chris, I’ve liked Michael for a while now, but I didn’t…no I _couldn’t_ say anything about it.”

Christine gave him a questioning glance as if asking him to continue.

“It started in freshman year, I had been kind of admiring you from afar for a while even though you never really noticed me. Michael had just always been there to help me out, cheer me up, really anything I needed. We’ve been best friends since forever, he’s the only one that really ever understood me, and he just…was always there for me. It was hard not to fall for him. And I just never told him because I didn’t want to lose him.” He chuckled, “I found myself trying to focus on you again to try and block all those feeling out, and it worked for a while, but when we were dating I just compared you to him all the time and I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. Even after we broke up I couldn’t do anything about it. I was too scared that I’d just ruin our friendship more than I already had.” He sat down on the bed next to the shorter girl. 

“Hey, it’s okay Jeremy,” Christine wrapped the lanky teen in a hug.

“And now he’s gone and I’ll never get to tell him I love him and that I was just being stupid, and I’m the one who fucked it all up, because I just couldn’t tell him how I felt.”  
She let him go, “Jeremy, I’m not going to pretend that there’s an easy way to fix your situation, but I know that you will be able to fix it.” She took his hands in hers, “Michael is going to come back, and when he does you can tell him everything you never did.” 

“How are so sure?” Just then Jeremy’s phone rang from where it had been on his bed side table. He looked at it, noticing it was Michael’s mom calling, before picking it up.  
“Hey Mrs. Mell, how-uh-how are you?” He paused listening as his face slowly lit up with glee. “Really!? That’s amazing! Oh yeah-of course- okay.” He paused again and then hung up the phone, looking over to Christine with more joy on his face then she had seen in a while. “Chris…he-he’s still alive. Michael’s moms got a note…and-and they think he’s okay.”

Christine smiled at him “Guess I was right.”

Jeremy smiled back, “Guess you were.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School started up, I had writers block for like two weeks straight, I changed the ending of this chapter about four times, and a lot of bad stuff is going on right now, but hey gotta stay optimistic. Sorry that half of this chapter is like crack. I love you all so much, and thanks for sticking around! Come bother me on tumblr about posting and sticking to my schedule, @littlegal11


	6. The Truth

Another week had come and gone, Michael had kept his phone on after his talk with Christine. She would text or call him every day, which was almost like a shining light through the darkness. Hearing all the funny stories or stupid arguments that had happened back home with all his “friends” made him feel normal for once. So there he was on his bed staring at his ceiling currently on the phone with Christine.

“And then Jake was laughing so hard he shot milk out of his nose and it got all over the table, some even got on Rich!” She broke into laughter.

“Oh my god, no way!” He laughed alone with her.

Once their laughter died down she sighed, “I wish you were there for it…they all miss you Michael.”

Michael sighed, he knew that, but it didn’t make the ache in his heart lessen. Sure, going back had caused him immense amount of anxiety but it also gave him a feeling that everything was going to be okay. Then when he got back and heard all those message from Jeremy he just felt every emotion all at once. He just wanted to go back to day one, where he was so sure about what he was doing. Now he can barely sleep or eat, and he spends most of his days in his room just staring at the ceiling or out the window. Ida expresses her concerns about it to him almost every day, but he just can’t figure out a way to get out of his own head.

“I know,” he sighs and looks at the clock on his bedside table that read 11:55 PM, “It’s getting kinda late Chris you should go to sleep.”

“I don’t wanna.” Michael noticed she was trying to hide her sadness with that peppy tone she always uses at times like these, and he thinks that if he could reach through the phone and hug her then he would.

“I know, but you have to okay?” 

Michael could hear her take a deep breath, “Okay…okay I will,” she takes another deep breath, “Goodnight Michael.”

“Goodnight Chris.” He said as he hung up. He laid there staring up at the ceiling before drifting off to sleep.

*~~*~~*

“How is everything going dear?” Ida asked as Michael walked inside after he was outside shoveling snow off the front pathway.

“Great, I'm all done, just warming up” he walked over to the small fire place.

“I don’t mean to be rude dear, I would never think of kicking you out, but when do you think you’re going to be heading home?” Ida asked as she flipped through the newspaper.

“Uh…soon I guess.” He said stretching his hands out before the fire.

“Alright hun, I just wanted to know.”

He nodded and made his way back upstairs to his room and closed the door behind him. He hung his coat up on the hook on the door, and then fell into bed. He wasn’t sure what to do; Christine was probably at school which means he couldn’t call her, he didn’t want to bother Ida or her husband, and wasn’t anything fun to do in the small mountain town he was in. He lets his thoughts wander to anything he thought could relieve his boredom. His mind immediately went to what Christine had said last night, about everyone missing him. He missed them all too, but he tried not to think about it that much. Of course talking to Christine didn’t help with thinking about home, but she was the only thing keeping him from going insane at this point.

Suddenly his phone rang pulling him out of his thoughts. He reached over and picked it up, expecting to see Christine’s name pop up on the screen, but he almost passed out when he saw who it was. “Player 2” flashed across his screen and he had never thought such a simple nickname could cause him such dread yet excitement at the same time. He quickly tried to go over every possible situation in his mind. If he answered then maybe Jeremy would be mad at him, which just wouldn’t help with his current mindset. But if Jeremy just wanted to talk then it would break his heart even more knowing that he was making Jeremy upset. Before he could make a decision he saw that he had already picked up the call.

“Michael?” He thought this would be easier than it was. He had already heard the other boy’s voice from all the messages Jeremy had left him, so why now did his words make Michael feel like he wanted to vomit?

“Hey,” he gave a weak reply. The other line went dead silent for a moment and then there was some sounds of rummaging, as if someone was looking for something.  
“I have something I want to say!” Michael could tell Jeremy was freaking out too by the nervousness in his voice. There was the sound of more rummaging and some soft cursing until it sounded like Jeremy had found what he was looking for. Michael prepared himself for the worst, maybe Jeremy would tell him to never come home, or maybe he would go on a rant about how terrible he was for leaving in the first place. 

“Sorry, I know this is weird but I like…made myself notes? I don’t know, it’s just that I knew that if I ever got to talk to you again I would be really like stressed and that I would need something to work off of.” There was a pause, “wow that sounds so weird saying out loud now…like yeah I thought you might be _dead_ -“

“Jeremy,” Michael cut him off with a sigh. He was more amused than anything, sure he had a million different emotions running crazy in his mind, but he was just happy to be talking to his best friend again.

“Right, yeah the notes, okay. Michael I’m sorry, really _really_ sorry. I knew this whole time something was wrong and I was too much of a wuss to fix it. I looked the other direction when I knew that things between us weren’t right, and that was really shitty of me. I-” He paused, “I’m sorry Michael, I’m sorry for everything I did to you during the squip, after it, even before it! I fucked up and I -I’m not going to avoid it anymore. I thought what I was doing was right and it wasn’t and if I had just thought to talk to you, _really_ talk to you, then none of this would be happening.”

Michael couldn’t say he was surprised about Jeremy solely blaming himself for all this, he normally did that, even though it was still somewhat his own fault too that he was in his current situation.

“I talked with Chris, she’s kinda been the only thing keeping me together through all this, and she said to ‘speak through my heart’ so here I go.” Michael could hear him put the papers down. “I fucked up for the millionth time and thought I lost you for good, so before I do or say something that makes you hang up on me I gotta get something out. You’ve been by my side since we were kids and you were the only person that ever really saw me. I tried to deny my feelings for so long I started to believe the lie, but I just can’t keep lying to myself anymore.” He took a deep breath, “I love you Michael, and not in that ‘no homo’ way, like the _love_ love way. And If you want to turn me down, hang up on me, and the never speak to me again I’ll respect that, but I just had to tell you.”

Michael felt like someone had just punched him in the face. He felt his entire face go red as his hands began to shake. The boy he had loved for so long hand just said that he felt the same, and all Michael could do was stare it his wall and wonder if this was all real. 

“Uh…Michael? Are you still there,” Jeremy sounded a little disheartened.

Michael took a moment to compose himself. “Yeah, I’m still here.”

“Okay…good,” Michael could practically hear Jeremy fidgeting in his seat, “did you hear what I said?”

“Yeah,” Michael replied as calmly as he could. 

“Okay, well you don’t have to give me an answer, ever, if you don’t want to I’ll respect that. I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry for everything, and that I _really_ really care about you. These past few weeks have been hell and I’m sorry-” He was abruptly cut off my Michael.

“I love you too.” He said it, he finally said it. After all the years of keeping it bottled up inside, being scared of how Jeremy would react, he had finally said it. In the maybe three second of silence that followed he began to think maybe this wasn’t the best time to say it, but when is there ever a good time to say something. 

“Really?! I’m a fucking idiot!” He could hear what he thought must be Jeremy’s head hit his desk. Michael laughed softly at the image of that in his head.

After some time Michael spoke again, “We both know that this call doesn’t just fix everything, we still have stuff we have to work through.” He sighed, “And we need to work on this _together_ if we’re going to fix what’s broken here.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy responded, “I want to work on this, on us.”

“Okay,” Michael felt his lip begin to curl into a smile, “Bye Jeremy.”

Michael hung up the phone abruptly, questioning if any of what just happened was even real or he had actually just gone crazy. He looked over to the closet where he kept his duffle bag, feeling that intense feeling of dread begin to pull him towards it. He opened up the closet and grabbed his duffle, once in his hand he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. 

“Guess I’m going home,” he smiled down at the duffle. It was time for them to make things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One would have thought that after being gone for such a long time that I would have come back with something better, and longer, than this. But alas, this is all I have. I am so very sorry for being gone so long, just know I have many reasons for my absence...but it is over now!! Now that I am back I hope to post regularly and finish up this story!! As always kudos and comments are always appreciated, and if you ever wanna talk about the story or anything just message me on tumblr littlegal11


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